Maintaining My Composure


Dear Diary,

After two days of blessed reprieve the assault continues. I have attempted, in all earnesty, to express my displeasure in the most polite ways possible. And yet she persists in feeding me this goop.

I had believed my cereal to be pure and unadulterated, but last night I saw her doctor it with the poison. I tried to refuse, but she handed the spoon to Daddy, and no matter how hard I try to resist, he’s too funny to keep my mouth closed for.

I believe this may be a battle I have lost, for now. I will attempt to maintain some manner of control over myself as she shovels it in, but I refuse to like it.


Ever yours,

Pears – Nature’s Poison


Dear diary,

Day two of what the woman is calling “pears.” With each spoonful I become more convinced she’s trying to kill me. She makes strange noises, faces, and gestures in an attempt to distract from her nefarious plan. I do my best to eject the foul substance but, sadly, am no match for her. I hope I am still alive to write again tomorrow.