Dear diary,
Most nights I eat my dinner at 6:30. Mama and daddy trade who feeds me (why can’t I feed myself? I’m a big boy) and they each make their dinners. It’s part of our routine and I don’t mind it. Plus, most nights I get to see Vanna after Uncle Alex. It’s the only time I get to watch the teebee. And I LOVE the teebee.
Some nights, though, mama and daddy take me out somewhere and put me in one of those weird chairs with holes for my legs. I usually try to throw myself out of it a few times just to see if I can, but mama and daddy won’t let me get out. Disappointing.
Two nights ago mama and I went to the big red store with the circles and I rode around in a shopping cart. I was pretty bored, as you can see in the photo I’m sharing. I played “no bones” for most of the trip, which entertained me. Every time mama tried to help me sit back up I would melt into a baby puddle in my basket again. It turns out that if I play “no bones” well enough, mama thinks the basket is a safe place to put stuff so she started putting things in there with me. Perfect! Then when she wasn’t looking for a second I would try to eat whatever I could grab. So “no bones” turns out to be even MORE fun than I thought it was originally.
Anyway, after the big red store with the circles we got back in the car and when we got out the next time, daddy was there! He’s magic, I think. He’s nowhere, and then BAM, right in front of me. It’s amazing, really. Mama is pretty much always there.. I’m pretty sure she’s not magic at all.
Okay, so, we went in and they put me in one of the weird chairs and a very tall man came and petted my head while he asked mama and daddy what they wanted to drink. I tried to pick his pocket, I’m pretty sure I saw a wallet in there. But my arms aren’t quite long enough yet.
In the past when we were at one of the restaurants, as mama calls them, I didn’t have any responsibilities. All I had to do was stay in the chair with the holes and play with my toys. I actually really like going to restaurants because there are SO many people to watch and usually they look back at me and smile. I like to encourage that so I usually stick my tongue out at them.
But diary, I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older now or what – but mama tried to make me WORK while we were there. Usually the tall people with badges come and take stuff off the table when mama and daddy are done with it. But this time mama made ME clean the table off! Can you believe that? She kept putting little pieces of stuff in front of me, and like a responsible boy I kept clearing the table by picking the pieces up and throwing them on the floor. I didn’t want the table to be messy, so what else could I do? At first it was a little fun – I squooshed some of the things before I took them off the table – but that got old. Mama and daddy laughed when I did it, which I thought was rude. Mama even tried to put some of her garbage IN MY MOUTH. I yelled at her. I don’t eat trash. Well, I don’t eat trash that I’m allowed to eat. Only trash that makes mama squeak if she sees me eating it.
I was only able to stop her from giving me her trash when I started putting it in my chair instead of on the floor. Then she decided it wasn’t so fun to torture me. Lesson learned.
Not the maid,
Finn
The Finn Diaries 
… ya got it rough kid… there has to be some congressman somewhere you can write to that can do something about that horrible life of yours… Let me know what I can do to help and when I see your Momma again I will give her a stern talking to!
Hugs and kisses!!
Auntie Kellie
Finn…. I will even help compose the letter. Maybe now is the time to dicuss a small thing called “allowance “. I know it might work, because it has the word “allow” in it, so it’s good to include that word in your talk with mom and dad. And “ance’ rhymes with pants, and yours are always so cute,…. trust me. Try it. If you’re gonna do work (BTW, they are called ‘chores’ when you get older), try for the bucks.
Love you…. will support you always.
Grammie Eaton
This was too funny! Love Penny Scrap-aholic@blogspot.com
Dear Finn:
I do so love the game ‘No Bones’ and love that you are so creative in your play with mama and daddy.
Next time they try to get you to be the maid, SCREECH at the top of your lungs and THEN throw the stuff on the floor. That will get their attention, as well as the attention of everyone within 4 counties. It’s powerful stuff.
Oh – and Grammie has the right idea with that whole allowance thing. I’d go with that.
Love, Your Honorary Auntie Stina
Finn, You will come to love the store with the red circles. It is quite lovely and you can acquire just about anything your little heart desires. Make sure Mama takes you to the toy department, because they have lots of cool things to play with!