I don’t really know how to break this news. I’m still coming to grips with it myself. It’s life altering in ways I haven’t yet fully come to understand, but I just know things will never be the same.
Diary, I think the Invaders are staying. Remember how I told you they said I was awesome? I guess they must really believe that because almost every day at least one of them comes to visit me. Are they hoping that by playing with me some of my awesome will rub off on them? Are they studying me to see HOW I got so awesome and whether they can replicate it with other less awesome people? I don’t know.
Here’s what I know for sure: on what mama and daddy call “work days” when all the grownups get in their cars and drive away to be bored for a bunch of hours, the Invaders come. Mostly they come after breakfast, but sometimes mama pokes me awake from a perfectly good nap and then expects me to be a good host. On those days I mostly stare at mama and the Invaders, or play by myself. I don’t see why I should play with rude people.
Usually just one Invader comes, but sometimes they gang up on me. One day this week there were FOUR Invaders, Diary, and I didn’t like that very much at all. I kept leaving the room and hoping they’d get the point and scoot, but like most grownups they can’t take a hint so they just hung around. There seem to be two main Invaders, one whose name seems to be Meow, and the other one is Kerplunk. Both of them come with magical bags filled to the brim with toys I’ve never seen before. The first couple of days those bags made me nervous and I pushed away everything that came out of them, but it turns out that Meow and Kerplunk are actually pretty cool, and so I don’t mind playing with them. We play rolling stuff down the ramp, throwing balls into my ball pit, pouring sand in my sandbox, pouring water in my pool, and one day we even had a tickle fight. I think Meow won because I was gasping and hiccuping at the end. Every Invader comes with a different Magic Bag and now I like to inspect them to see if there’s good stuff. And, Diary, THIS IS SUPER SECRET – I’ve been squirreling away some of their toys in my ball pit. I’ve got a stash in there you wouldn’t believe; Mardi Gras beads and Connect 4 chips, balls from their games, even a block or two. I’m saving them for a rainy day.
The thing that’s weird about them being here, Diary, aside from the fact that I don’t understand why they don’t have anything better to do than harass a toddler full time, is that they keep asking me to do things. They love when I point to things they can’t find (how can they not see the giant duck on the book page? Or the ball they just buried in my rice? Getting old must suck), and they want me to use my pointy finger to show them EVERYTHING. Honestly, Diary, it’s exhausting. When the Invaders leave I usually push mama to sit down on the couch so I can climb onto her and rest for a few minutes. Entertaining grownups is hard work.
They’ve also been trying to get me to use words. Now, Diary, given how much everyone around me talks, I’m not sure why they’re in such a rush for me to join that cacophony, but I’ve been humoring them by using some of the sounds they use. Like when Meow plays “pretend sneeze with a cup on my head and fling it on the floor” – she likes when I say C C C C for cup. And she loves when I say B B B B for ball. I get the feeling they want me to say the whole thing but I’m not ready yet.
Lastly, and maybe the strangest thing, is they’re trying to get me to say words with my hands. They do it a lot, tapping their fingers together and saying “more.” I watched them for a couple of days, and Meow and Kerplunk would take my fingers and tap them together the same way. What I learned was that if I tap my fingers together like that when I want another ball, or another pancake, or more tickles, I get them! Once I understood what they were doing it was like I learned a new language. Suddenly, I CAN talk to them and to Mama and Daddy without using my voice. I think I could learn to like this. They’ve been showing me a few other things with their hands but I don’t really understand those yet. I’m feeling motivated to learn them though.
Phew, sorry Diary, I didn’t mean to make you tired writing so much at once. There’s just so much going on all at the same time and I had to write it down before it was all I could think about. I like having Meow and Kerplunk as friends, but I’m not sure how I feel about the other ones yet. I’ll have to tell you about them another day.